I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
