I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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