Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
