Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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