is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I am morally bankrupt
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
