i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You pole danced in your parka.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize