i just wanna soil my oats bro
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
