on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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