someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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