A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
