he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
