It's like a parade of train wrecks.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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