Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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