So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
