we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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