how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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