Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
