Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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