Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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