she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
