the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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