My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
