Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
