He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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