In the future we'll all be gay
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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