Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
try to milk me bitch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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