you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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