You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
