i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
