Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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