Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize