I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
