my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize