while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
