I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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