So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
