margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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