I didn't shave. On purpose
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize