I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The power of my boobs compel you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
