He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize