we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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