I'm lost and stupid without you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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