I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
