Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We left the knife in your bed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
