She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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