There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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