Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize