That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
