Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize