So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
