would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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