note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize