Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
