im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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