I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
