Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
