Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize