how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
