i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
