So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
