dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
