Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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