I cannot find my penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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