Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
