I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
