chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
