Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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