What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
