Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
