the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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