3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
