Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
