The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize