remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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